


Like a Virgin

by Castillon02



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Virgin!Bond, Virginity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-17 20:08:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11858778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Castillon02/pseuds/Castillon02
Summary: “I have something I need to tell you,” Bond said, holding a hand up to stop Q’s advance. “You see, it’s like this–”And then Bond dropped his bombshell, and waited patiently for Q’s reaction.





	Like a Virgin

**Author's Note:**

> Note: I was inspired to write this when @opalescentgold said “Why does Q have to be the virgin?” when the topic of 00Q virgin-fic came up. Thanks, opal <3

Things had gone quite well up to this point. Bond had borrowed Q’s kitchen to cook a delicious steak dinner, they’d done a bit of comfortable snogging, the mood had been established…and then they’d hit the bedroom. “I have something I need to tell you,” Bond had said, holding a hand up to stop Q’s advance. “You see, it’s like this–” 

And then Bond dropped his bombshell, and waited patiently for Q’s reaction. 

“No, you’re not,” Q said, gaping with disbelief. “I’ve seen video–!” 

“Technically, I am,” Bond said, amused. “If your definition of ‘virgin’ is someone who’s achieved mutual orgasm with another person, then I don’t fit the bill.” 

“I suppose you just tickled all of those people into sighing your name lustfully into the surveillance mic?” Q asked. 

Bond shrugged. “Most people like oral, and I’m a very cunning linguist,” he said. “But I don’t come from giving oral. Do you?” 

Q flushed and mumbled something that ended with “anyway, only the once.”

“Interesting,” Bond purred.    

“Not as interesting as the fact that there’s security footage that literally shows you cock-deep in pussy!” Q said, bristling. 

“Condoms.” Bond shrugged again. “It’s not like anyone does a semen check. I just do some shuddering and moaning and tie it off. Only had someone call me on it once; I told her it was an old injury.” 

Q frowned. “Is it related to–?” 

“No, it took a while to recover, but everything works just fine,” Bond assured him. “I’ve taken myself in hand enough to be very sure on that front. I just don’t like orgasming with people I don’t trust.”   

“And randy teenager Bond didn’t make his sexual debut?” Q asked. 

“You try making a sexual debut with Aunt Charmain as your guardian and see how it works out,” Bond grumbled. 

“Uni?” Q asked, even more disbelieving. 

Bond guessed that uni was where Q had really started having sex. Well, it had been the same for him, only… “I got a reputation for being really good at giving people orgasms,” Bond said. “My first didn’t actually care whether I’d come–she was a bint–and for a while I thought it was an etiquette thing, you know, that unless you were seriously involved or something you’d just see to a girl and then have it off by yourself afterward.” 

Q goggled.

Bond grinned. “The things you think when you’re a teenager! I even rushed a few girls out the door when they tried to return the favor–didn’t want that sort of commitment!” 

They both laughed. 

“But it became sort of a habit, almost a weird point of pride after that,” Bond admitted. “I tried to fix it in Paris with a prostitute, but we got to talking about sex in the beginning, bit of a warm-up chat, and I ended up wanting to try everything. By that point it was more a practical exercise in learning about different positions than her getting me off, which was just as well because I couldn’t have done some of them with a soft cock anyway.” 

“You had that kind of stamina at that age?” Q asked. 

“Turns out, all that denying myself in uni was good for something,” Bond said smugly. “And it’s only got better since then, might I add.” 

“You certainly might,” Q said, looking intrigued. “So you’ve really never…?” 

“I’ve made myself come in a dozen different ways, and made other people come in several more, but never the twain have met,” Bond said. 

“But why?” Q asked helplessly. “You’ve had more than enough opportunity.” 

“Well…it’s quite a good joke, isn’t it?” Bond said, smiling. “The virgin Casanova. And the longer the joke went on, the better it got, and what with everything I do for a living…well, I liked having my secret laugh, something that I could think of when things were getting tough.” 

Q put his hand on Bond’s knee. “Are you…do you really want to give that up? I would understand if–” 

“Q.” Bond stopped him, covering Q’s hand with his own. “I want to give you everything. My absurd technical virginity included. And if I need something to make me smile while on missions, well, falling in love and letting a nerd twelve years my junior break my self-cockblocking streak probably qualifies, don’t you think?”  

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Constructive criticism is always welcome <3


End file.
